Listening...

    When I am working as a facilitator of Restorative Justice with juveniles, it seems most natural to use what I have learned in Council practice and listen with my whole being. Generally, I tell the people in the RJ Circles that I know its hard for each of us to hear a totally different version about the "facts" about what happened, but in the RJ Circle we can listen to one another and make room for the differences. No one has to give up anything.

     As a facilitator, I find its best to be genuinely interested or curious, in an "innocent" way,  about someone else's viewpoint.  If I am " trying to open" or even “shift” another's mind - my own mind isn't open. Too much “trying” creates goal driven "listening ” . Goal driven listening blocks out anything that doesn’t fit the goal, or my assumptions. It blocks information, blocks transformation, and kills the possibilities of surprises, new understanding and those treasured and ultimately transformational “ ah ha!” moments.

   Conversely, attentive listening and genuine interest allows us to remember that the "other" is a multi-dimensional being, not simply the label of offender, or victim, aggressor, or bully. When we see the multi-faceted parts of one another, we can realize our shared humanity.

    If I stay with my breath in an atmosphere that is filled with tension and make contact evenly with each individual our shared humanity seems to become more visible to everyone.  Even the physical space we are in, which may have been crowded with tension as well as bodies, seems to get larger - allowing more room for the emergence of something new, some spirit of "being in it together", some shift of understanding that does not require anyone to give up their disagreements at all, but to simply explore the life we share.  Then, anything can happen and it’s not up to me.